i really really need to just fucking say something it’s killing me absolutely fucking killing me. it’s incredibly rude that you said we were going to do things today and then 20 minutes before i got off work you decided you were going to north carolina with safwan and no matter how many times i texted you never responded and never told me that you came back and then went and did our plans that we had with gavin instead of me and just ghosted me the whole fucking time. the fact that you keep ghosting me while with gavin is a whole new fucked up situation and i just want you to know that you’re a piece of shit who doesn’t care about anyone’s feeling’s except the man who’s currently giving you the best dick and nobody could ever love you and i wish i could say you’re gonna die alone but i would never be so lucky to see you get what you deserve. i want you to fucking hurt like i hurt but there’s just no fucking way to do that so i don’t know where to go from here. i hate you with every fucking thing in me every though i can’t live without you and i’m in too deep to stop now. there’s nothing i can say about you that you don’t already know, that i haven’t encouraged, and that just makes it worse. we’re not the same. we’re so fucking different. but you fucking know that don’t you, you probably talk to gavin about how much of a pathetic asshole i really am while you’re ignoring me for hours. maybe i’m the fucking crazy one. why did you ghost me all of monday and then when we hung out you tiptoed around mentioning going to dc with gavin at all. why do you fucking treat me this way. why are you still ignoring me. i won’t even still be this mad when i see you in nearly a week so i won’t even say anything passive aggressive. why am i not allowed to be in the same room as you and gavin anymore? that’s fucking weird. why do i feel like you’re both against me? the least you can do is tell me nothings happening plans are cancelled. why does erhan get to go and i don’t? i won’t hear from you tomorrow until you go to work, if you ever do, and i’ll act nice but i won’t see you for days. i knew this was going to happen. the moment you said north carolina i knew that you would come back here and gavin would immediately take all of your time possible until one of you has to go to work. i’m so lonely. how did i become a 3rd party? when did i get pushed completely to the side? why am i so upset? why do you treat me this way?
“Because the strong man who has known power all his life, may lose respect for that power, but a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows… compassion.”
i really just come on tumblr to say some dumb shit and then leave…….i love my little void here it’s like a familiar, damp cave and i’ve been writing on the walls for seven years sometimes in my own blood
“my battery is low and it’s getting dark” is so hauntingly human, so crushingly lonely. I can’t articulate the deep, profound ache that sentence evokes. It’s acceptance and defeat and terror and sadness all at once, all from one tiny machine we asked to explore the stars for us.
